Opinions About Hiking That Will Almost Certainly Get Me Cancelled As An Influencer

As a new entrant to the hiking influencer scene, I suppose I can get away with sharing semi-outrageous thoughts in public. Not everywhere, of course - one has one’s reputation to think of - but a little confessional to one’s Substack community never did any harm. So I thought I’d share a series of random thoughts I’ve been having about the hiking world during this brief stint away from the trail. Sort of like snacks, but for the mind.

But first, a disclaimer - I love hiking just as much as ever. Possibly more than ever, because I’ve keenly felt the absence of hiking these past four weeks (it was overshadowed, of course, by the avalanche of love and happy times and sweet familiarity that India always gives me).

But I’m the kind of person who loves something all the better for knowing its knobbly sides, and hiking has plenty. It might not seem so to the outsider, but the hiking world - especially the online segment of it - has a bunch of weird elements to it that may be bugs or features, depending on your perspective. Me, I just think they’re weird. And weird things make me think. And hence, the list of weird little thoughts that follows.

• Is long-form content really a thing anymore? It ought to be - but is it?

• I don’t really like Reels. I’ll post them, because algorithm, but I hardly ever watch them. Melikes my content still and silent.

• Some lady hikers on Instagram look like they just stepped out of a spa session even after completing a Class 3 summit. I don’t know where homegirl got skin and hair like that but I want in, NOW.

• You could have the strongest sunscreen in the world, but if you hike during the day, you’re getting tanned. That’s that. Which means you’re better off investing in a really good de-tan scrub - but of course, the sunscreen companies won’t tell you that. LOL.

• To famous bloggers - for the sake of whichever higher power you believe in, please stop posting affiliate links every five words. I get it. You'll get a commission. We all have bills to pay. But for the nth time, I don’t want a Garmin GPS device.

• Ten essentials for a backpacking trip, yeah. But do we really need a flashlight and a Swiss army knife for a summertime day hike up Mt Diablo…?

• The clothes and equipment you already have in your cupboard are more suited to survival than the brands will have you think. Our species literally hunted mammoths with sticks. We can survive without 800-dollar jackets. I promise.

• Cooking up steaks at campsites is all very well, but doesn’t all that meat ever attract predators?

• Some of those portable bear vaults I see backpackers use are tiny. As in, can-barely-hold-enough-food-for-breakfast tiny.

• Wouldn’t it be easier to use just one trekking pole for balance and keep the other hand free?

• How does one deal with the soul-crushing humiliation of turning back 500 feet from the summit because of altitude sickness?

• Chocolate protein bars are a scam.

• Moisture-wicking fabric my a$$. If you get wet, you catch a chill, your nose is a rivulet and you need masala chai. Simple.

• I know backpack frames are supposed to reduce the strain of the weight, but does anyone else feel funny about the frame digging into your shoulder blades?

• Why is everyone’s GPS map of the same hike so wildly different on AllTrails?

• How many minutes per mile is considered ‘good’ in hiking? I can do a mile in 20 minutes over a flat trail, is that good? Average? Great? Lousy??

• Perhaps my biggest question - is trekking the same as backpacking?

I’ll sign off with a bit of self-promotion - for a more civilised version of this opinion piece, check out this post I wrote for the Medium publication In Fitness And In Health. And consider following me on Medium too - in addition to hiking, I write about career building, mental health, freelance writing, fiction writing and productivity.

Hope you found this entertaining, at least mildly. I’ll be back in the States tomorrow - feeling sad about leaving India, but super-pumped to get back to hiking.

Until next week!